I am your average person with bipolar 2 and I’m what “they” like to label as, “high functioning.”  What does that mean for me?  Well, in short, I have found that the few people I have disclosed my diagnosis to do not have a raindrop’s chance in hell actually knowing what Bipolar II really is.  That is a-okay to me.  I can let them know what my experience is like and hopefully break down some stigma while I am at it.  I do not disclose to many people, especially work, because I have found that it is largely emotionally unsafe for me.  When I try to engage needed services, I am told things like, “you are too high functioning to need services.”  Little do they know how a walk a tightrope on a daily basis between wellness and death-provoking illness.  .

I suppose I will not ever really know what people thing about me and my illness.  I am learning to live with that and not worry about it.  I was diagnosed officially a year or two ago, but I have had mental health concerns for a number of years.  I’m not sure exactly how long.  I do know that the pain from mental illness matches the worst physical pain imaginable.  I have had emotional pain comparable to childbirth pain.  It is that bad.  A lot of people do not get that.

I keep this blog anonymous so I can be 100% me without repercussions so I may be a bit vague about some personal things.  I can say that I care a lot about human rights and destigmatizing mental health concerns.  I do not have a judgement on suicide and think that it a complex and individualized concern.  I speak from a non-professional place, and the opinions I express are my own.  If you need immediate help, I encourage you to seek it from whatever safe place you can.  Calling an emergency number and going to hospital can be a good option sometimes if you are feeling so desperate you do not know what to do.

As for my favorite place to go, I love to Google anything that comes to my brain to learn more about it – good or bad.  The site I like most is called http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/index.cfm.  It is research based, cute and thoughtful.