I am your average person with bipolar 2 and I’m what “they” like to label as, “high functioning.” What does that mean for me? Well, in short, I have found that the few people I have disclosed my diagnosis to do not have a raindrop’s chance in hell actually knowing what Bipolar II really is. That is a-okay to me. I can let them know what my experience is like and hopefully break down some stigma while I am at it. I do not disclose to many people, especially work, because I have found that it is largely emotionally unsafe for me. When I try to engage needed services, I am told things like, “you are too high functioning to need services.” Little do they know how a walk a tightrope on a daily basis between wellness and death-provoking illness. .
I suppose I will not ever really know what people thing about me and my illness. I am learning to live with that and not worry about it. I was diagnosed officially a year or two ago, but I have had mental health concerns for a number of years. I’m not sure exactly how long. I do know that the pain from mental illness matches the worst physical pain imaginable. I have had emotional pain comparable to childbirth pain. It is that bad. A lot of people do not get that.
I keep this blog anonymous so I can be 100% me without repercussions so I may be a bit vague about some personal things. I can say that I care a lot about human rights and destigmatizing mental health concerns. I do not have a judgement on suicide and think that it a complex and individualized concern. I speak from a non-professional place, and the opinions I express are my own. If you need immediate help, I encourage you to seek it from whatever safe place you can. Calling an emergency number and going to hospital can be a good option sometimes if you are feeling so desperate you do not know what to do.
As for my favorite place to go, I love to Google anything that comes to my brain to learn more about it – good or bad. The site I like most is called http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/index.cfm. It is research based, cute and thoughtful.