Binge Update 1

I did not binge for 3 weeks.  It was weird.  I started on Latuda about the same time, but I do not know if that is the reason or not.  I did not have as much of an appetite.  Other things that might have helped include:

  • Talking to my eating counselor about scaffolding and the “true/false” question I need to ask myself.  I was telling her about using public transport and looking at people.  I explained a woman with it all together – eyelashes perfect, beautiful diamonds, pricey accessories, petite, perfect figure, perfect clothes and makeup, etc.  I pictured her going to the gym then home to a luxury condo, pure-bread dog, loving relationship, etc.  My counselor told me that was bullshit.  She said I made up the whole scenario in my head to make myself feel worse.  She challenged me with saying “true/false” about everything I was thinking to test if I am just making that shit up.  🙂
  • Money pressures – no food in house
  • Water with lemon in the morning
  • Somehow donuts just not coming to mind – I don’t know how I managed that
  • Calling Lifeline 6+ times a day (I don’t like them, but it kept me busy).
  • Making my own bread (I will talk about this more in the future as it was a great mindfulness strategy).
  • Not eating ANY sugar.  I found this new sweetener called Equal Next, and I love it.  I think this may be one of the biggest reasons I did not want sugar
  • Sparkling water with lemon and mint
  • Taking meds correctly

When I fell off the wagon was when I saw an add for candy that is usually unavailable where I live.  I got some, then got more chocolate, then McDonalds, then donuts.  If there can be a positive from all this, it was over 3 days, and I skipped meals but still had a healthy snack after bingeing so I was not getting even more calories from meals.  Instead of pretending like I had not binged and eating a normal dinner so nobody would know,  I just had my snack and said my stomach was a bit off.  That seemed to work.

What did not work was that my partner found some wrappers in the car and commented on it.  It was a semi-criticism and semi-comment, but I do not need any of it.  I am dealing with this myself and having 2 cents from someone else when I am doing relatively well is not at all helpful.

 

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FUN. SHIT. BIPOLARIFIC (II that is).

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Posted in Binge Eating, food, Health

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