I went to a free consultation 2 months ago with a doctor who’s office felt like a sweaty cattle call. He was willing to do any surgery I wanted ASAP but would not clarify the price. He shamed me when I told him I was not ready and was unsure about a sleeve by telling me that he sees patients like me all the time who will not get surgery but will regret it and come back in 10 years. I am glad I trusted myself and the complexity of my health because he did not take any consideration into my complex mental health, thyroid and medication needs.
I scheduled an appointment with a new doctor who told me that there is a 48% likelihood of secondary surgery with a Lapband so they do not offer it. They will go at my pace and check my meds every step of the way since there are concerns that lithium cannot be offered in a drip and because I’m on Nardil, a MAOI antidepressant that requires a strict diet for foods with tyramine. They asked me if I *had* to have it, and I do need it like a fish needs water. It has been the most helpful anti-depressant I’ve ever had, and I’ve been on bajillions of them. They offer a dietitian, psychologist, groups and a patient liaison / surgical assistant. A main concern I have is that the medical centre is tiny.
I still fear such body-altering surgery that takes away my stomach. I mainly binge because of my mental health. How will I control that? What are the consequences if I do binge? I still believe somehow I can pull myself up by my bootstraps despite failing on every diet I have tried. Then part of me KNOWS I cannot. Part of me still wants to eat absolute crap because it is the best and most enjoyable way I can self-harm. Any diet they put me on would be really difficult given the restrictions I already have because of my MAOI. That has been a problem with other diets, too. It just limits me so much. If I eat a food that is not allowed I could have a heart attack. I am going to go back for a second consultation and check with my insurance company about how much they will cover.
Being overweight in itself is not a massive deal for me, but I hate how I cannot move and what I look like in pictures. I want to be here for my child and not have any other chronic issues to deal with because just dealing with my bipolar II is a full time job. My next consultation is in one month. I am going to start exercising 30 minutes a day and continue working on my bingeing with my doctor. I was bingeing about 5-6 times a week on 4-8 pastries a day (plus other foods), but I am down to 2 binges a week. That would have to be around 1200 calories less a day, and exercising would minimise another 100-200 calories. If I can eliminate 1400 calories a day, I will be doing much better and have to lose inches and weight. I am 110 kilos right now and writing it for accountability.